Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The air was thick with penises
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
