yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
