who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
