I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
