i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
