he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize