You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
