i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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