Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
