how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
