why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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