I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
