So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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