Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
