Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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