The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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