That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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