What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
