what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
