got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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