I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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