Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize