Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she pinky promised me she was 18
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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