mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
