Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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