I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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