Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
