Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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