I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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