the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
