ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
