I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize