I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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