whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
This beer is not sobering me up at all
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
