It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
