I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
