You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
