yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My feet surprised me
Randomize
