i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
