while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
