why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
