Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
