drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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