I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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