Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
