remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
