we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
