I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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