Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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