I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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