walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
