Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
