so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
