ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The power of my boobs compel you
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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