he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
