Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
