I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
