I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
