i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I enjoy the company of your penis
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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