White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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