So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize