It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
