I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
