I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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