You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
