Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
