it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
