The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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