Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
