is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
