She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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